the more I come back to Nashville the more I love it. It really is starting to feel like home. (one of them- hehe i will never say it's home, bc my only true home is in bmore) but anyway.. I just moved back to Nashville after a few months of visiting, back and forth btwn NY and Baltimore. I was really hesitant because I've always considered myself a city person- I grew up in the north and went to college wayy up north in boston- never drove a car, was used to fast paced, somewhat chaotic living. But it's funny, I feel myself wanting to not like Nashville, but I actually do like it hah - it's really coming along and growing more and more into an LA or something. Every night of the week there are shows and people are out til 2am (i'm becoming one of those people which i really shouldn't get in the habit of- but it's so hard to resist here! ) The weather right now is amazeballs - like the perfect cool summer nights.. it reminds me of summer nights on a trip to florida i went on as a kid... things are real quiet, like no one's around but the still warm nights are such a welcomed retreat.. at night the street sometimes look empty which makes it feel slow, but wherever you go you'll find friends in one of the bars around town. I love the slow pace, and the nice people... and I feel like I'm meeting people from all over the country that are so different (but so much the same) I probably won't live here forever, but this is definitely a cool place to explore for awhile. :)
Last night I started a new waitressing job at a Turkish restaurant :) and one of my customers practices eastern medicine and he read my "pulse" i guess you'd say. he told me to not lead so much with my mind because it wears me out- it's funny, you can relax if you let yourself. 
Had a great show in Powerplant last night. Overall we had a great time, but we did run into a few hiccups. The show wasn't perfect, and there was definitely some frustrations, but it didn't matter. I didn't care. the thing I was stuck on, that I was just thinking about the most was that my amazing friends were there, right at 10, in the audience, standing by the bar, waiting for us to start.
My friends are a tight group, we have been friends, most of us since elementary school.. and they're still there. And since I was 14, I have been telling them that I'm going to be a performer. I was just so floored and constantly am by their support. They have been in that audience for years and I just can't get over it. It's not easy to ask people to come to a random bar or club on a week night at 10pm to hear you play.. but they're there, time after time. I hope I can repay them.  
it's very strange being a "victim of growing up." Everything under 21 always felt pretty normal. The progression of life felt very natural, steady, life events seemed to happen at a good pace- acceptable.. but getting into my twenties, it's kind of been a holy sh** feeling for the past 2 years. ;) ha but really ... like up until this point- high school graduation, manageable, college graduation, manageable, brother getting married? - landmark. signpost. "life is changing." you are grown. it's official. this morning i was thinking a lot about this. It was Easter Sunday, and as usual, the whole family was going to brunch (it's funny, this time during spring always reminds me of being little- all the flowers are in bloom, everything is so bright and hopeful, it reminds me of old pictures we took outside our house on days like this).. but things really are different. We're older.
I'm always talking about the "passing of time" and watching it go by and trying to hold onto every second possible and morning the loss of it. meanwhile, missing life and living in the moments themselves sometimes. Today, strangely enough, I felt ready to move on... kinda out of nowhere, it felt okay. I feel so lucky to be alive and for everyday we get. I've spent a lot of time 'in my own head,' afraid of making the wrong choice for the last 2 years, but i think im ready to just live, and feel grateful for just 'being' here. 
In Nashville I always feel strange. The strangest things happen here. I always run into someone completely random who happens to know one of my closest friends in the world or like the other night, you meet an idol in person and then he's friends with a guy you're standing next to at the bar. and the guy you're standing next to at the bar happens to be coincidentally on his way to dinner with the one person you asked him if he knew.
haha anyway, last night I went to Belcourt Taps and Tapas (restaurant/bar I waitressed at briefly in Nash) for a Tin Pan South show. Afterward I went and met a friend for dinner followed by drinks at Loser's (bar).. I met this really funny guy who ended up having a piece of chocolate cake delivered to the bar upon expressing that I was in the mood for some. haha see Weird ish happens here! but awesome :) lol back to bmore next week :)  weekend(this is somewhat stream of consciousness and completely random))
what a week and weekend... i often try to fill my brain with all things positive and all things music related... listen to interviews and watch footage of artists I admire and hope to be like someday. last night i was watching oprah.. one of my favorite ladies and she was interviewing lady gaga and her mother at their new york city home. i learned so many things from that.. they talked about wanting to live in full self expression. and being with someone who allows you to be fully yourself. when asked if they worried and argued about the field gaga had chosen to go into, her mother responded, "constantly." that eased my mind a bit since that's very much the same as me and my mother do. apparently gaga doesn't have a home either since she travels so much.. which recently i haven't either and never know where to "plant myself" or "settle" and how she "lives like a gypsy." all things i relate to.. it makes it okay somehow.
after that interview, i was in the kitchen listening to music and bon jovi came on her (oprah's) channel.. not wanting to miss a second of what he was saying, i sprinted into the living room, slid on the rug and fell right in front of the TV. my mom was on the couch, looked at me and we both literally burst out laughing. even right now, I'm laughing just thinking about it. it's so funny being so hungry for something... just the idea of it, of being able to achieve what my idols have achieved and reaching so many people in the world, like Madonna, Lady Gaga, Michael Jackson... how they allowed themselves to think outside the box and never settle for "realistic." they allowed themselves to believe in possibility. and it's hard sometimes because sometimes you want to do something but you don't know how to move forward.. but you have faith that you will somehow. i love all that. i realize sometimes i don't make sense when I speak or write-- i apologize for confusing you if I have. but maybe you get it. earlier in the day, my brother took me to his gym downtown to show me his workout and kinda teach me a new way of doing it. It was so amazing. He's been encouraging me to do this "paleo diet" where you don't eat processed foods (no bread/sugar) .. it's really about eating meat and vegetables, lowering your sugar intake. It's not about doing it perfectly, it's about making small improvements, smarter adjustments to maximize health/fitness etc... Usually I'll run forever and push myself so hard, do a few pushups and abs.. usually i can only do that for about 2 weeks before I'm back eating pizza and cookies for the next two weeks ;) but he showed me how light cardio with short sprints, and more focus on strength training, toning muscles is key. it was the best workout ever and i hope to do it again. sometimes it really is about working smarter not harder. I'd love to learn to do that with everything.  
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